she smiled...

WOW, I just realized that we are coming to an end of our clinical assignment at our long term facility. You know, at first, I was sooooooooo scared. I just did not want to go at all. I did not know what to expect as a nursing student. I called a fellow classmate and told her how I felt and she prayed with me. I felt the worries just lift off my shoulders. The next day, my professor was very helpful and my fears were eased. I guess I was just worried that we would be turned loose in that place and I was afraid I would make huge unforgivable mistakes. I found out that is so not true. Our professors are here for us and support us and want to see us succeed. These last weeks were a lot of fun and I learned so much. I got to know my resident, which was not easy or much fun. She was a closed book. She has suffered many hurts throughout her life and her trustometer was severly damaged. I worked to gain her trust, she is not willing to just be friendly... so it was not easy. Last Friday, I saw her twinkle at me and I said..."hey, I saw that!" and she smiled at me. It was very nice to see. We talked for a long time last Friday and she told me many things that surprised me. Her life is dismal most of the time and it saddens me to think I am leaving next week and going off to some other place but she is staying there and doesn't have a lot of freedom to do as she pleases.... Freedom is rare in a place like that. The residents are told when to do what at which time and where. So when they decide to refuse a treatment that is actually very good for them, I totally understand why. I am learnig to let them exercise their autonomy.